To Practice the “Pause”

“PERFECTLY ON TIME” MUSING

Getting caught up in the drama of “the committee”, aka the hamster wheel of mental gymnastics, is a precarious dynamic for this one. Much better to take the “Pause” and see if I can do something nice for someone else without getting found out.

Before I get too far into this post, I wanted to say thanks to those who subscribed to the next new adventure unfolding over at Substack. It’s that “launch” that has been a driver to this new “musing” and title.

Friends and family are familiar with what may feel like “ad nauseam” references to “Perfectly on Time” AND “Taking the Pause”. What may be helpful to others is to also know that I’ve become convinced that when those words pop out it’s my soul-voice speaking. I also have no difficulty acknowledging that the shadow-voice can sometimes rule “The Committee” and isn’t nearly as calm, understanding and patient.

Why this musing?

In part because of many thoughts/conversations/exchanges taking place with dear friends, newer writing colleagues and family. There has been this enormous mixed-bag of experiences crossing my path lately which seem to have resulted in an equally enormous mixed-bag of emotions.

Joy, gratitude, confidence, grief, sadness, questioning, fear, self-doubt….a full spectrum.

Through these many connections it has also become evident that I am NOT alone in these earth-school incidents that sometimes feel like an over-size teeter-totter of some sort….kind of like an enormous roller-coaster….definitely NOT like gently “swinging on a star”.
Request to readers: Please remember that the appendage “in training” to this persona of the Crone / Wise Woman is there for a reason!

When I was walking through the 2^nd and 3^rd quarters of this earth-school story my brother and I used to roll our eyes and shake our heads at our mom. She would have been near the tail end of her 3^rd quarter and moving into her 4^th. Conversations were often focused on who was sick and who was about to pass and who had just passed. Today I understand completely! So for you “youngsters” who are kind enough to be reading these posts just a gentle reminder that in a blink you may find yourself here…and you too will be “perfectly on time”!

What I understand now (at least in part) is this. There IS a shelf-life to this human journey and that recognition has raised a deeper awareness (from a 4^th quarter perspective), that the exit point is much closer than it appeared in the 1^st, 2^nd and even 3^rd. And, then enter the teeter-totter and roller coaster extravaganza and multiple questions running through the hamster wheel A LOT. Questions like… SHOULD I / CAN I:

• take that trip?
• downsize my materialistic inventory?
• move into a retirement community?
• quit work?
• just sell everything and run away?
• should I, should I, should I???

So, here I am (as the Crone) one more time replaying old ideas, looking for new ones and then considering how to become an observer and just “watch and allow” those thoughts to come and go. Thank you, Jeremy, for the introduction to the Plum Village App. Thich Nhat Hanh has been part of my ongoing uncover, discover and discard process and now I need to go back and reread “No Mud No Lotus”. Also an additional thank you to David Michie for a recent Substack that has given me more new ideas.

More recently, living this earth-school “story” has become quite delightful at times [putting on my tap shoes introduces the loveliest feeling of fun and joy] …other times not so much as there occur periods when the emotional intensity can get somewhat heavy.

However, I HAVE been given several “tools” and options to use when that dynamic pops us and the biggest gift I can give myself is to “pause”, take a breath, step back and count. Sometimes to 5…. sometimes to 100…. sometimes through hours and sometimes through days. And when able to engage in that practice, there is an option… to simply trust that whatever is unfolding in those moments, minutes, hours, or days is also “perfectly on time”.

Serendipitous events when recognized are pretty magical.

I mentioned that eldest grandson in the Substack post about the blinks. Yesterday, following a small family gathering for Easter another grandson and this Crone were in the same vehicle for about an hour and my, oh my! As with that eldest grandson the dialogue that unfolded was clearly a gift to show me again that these next generations have arrived with a level of maturity and understanding of the human conditions that has taken me decades to even begin to comprehend.

Add to this some fun back and forth taking place between my son Brett and his children, via text messages tonight, and there is yet more evidence of some young wise women and possible old souls in young human suits bouncing around in the exchange.

I’ve been known to suggest that “when the student is ready the teacher will appear and when the teacher is ready the student will appear” because it seems that each of us fills both roles at various times [Writer’s note: I was going to try and give credit to the originator of that statement and ended up down a plethora of rabbit holes and I decided to let it be].

Age does NOT dictate that the Crone has nothing more to learn. Age is just a number assigned based on the number of loops around the sun and if I was to try and create some kind of comparison between human time and cosmic time I’d land flat on my face. Just seems that the heart-soul component doesn’t have anything to do with age…. just with love. Makes me think of that song “Love Makes The World Go Round”. Keith – have you recorded this one?

Might it be that serendipitous moments are popping up all over the place to allow for a somewhat deeper dive into the “whys and what ifs” of the earth-school experiences? Could it be that we’re all part of a “soul cluster” and have agreed to these “perfectly on time” experiences as a way to step into both the teacher AND the student roles?

So, one more time I want to come back to this idea of being “perfectly on time”. A recent recall and revisit to The Pale Blue Dot was a reminder of how very teeny weeny each of us human-suited travellers are in that big picture.

Maybe not even the size of a cell in the knee of a giant!

And, in that context along with the context of “light years” what do I want to be doing with the time that’s left. Definitely not a question that would have been top of mind in the 1st and 2nd quarters, but it’s become pretty relevant in this 4th quarter. Why? Perhaps with the recognition that the loops around the sun are nothing more than blinks. That the Pale Blue Dot clearly shows how small and fragile our world is and therefore stepping into all the “moments” we’re presented with and stepping in from a place of kindness, compassion, care, respect, and consideration toward all sentient beings may be our purpose.

Exciting ideals? Absolutely. Attainable 24/7. Hhmm…not likely given the free-will each of us has been given. But…what if we just gave it our best shot in those “perfectly on time” moments? What if instead of being the old grump walking down the street a new approach was taken and I became the happy crone instead. Would a smile extended to that other human-suit walking toward this happy crone make a difference? Not always… but I’m pretty convinced it would make a difference more often than not. What if we all stopped just for a few moments with a view to doing something nice for somebody without getting found out. Ha! What a unique idea. Well, maybe not so much. There IS that idea of pay it forward and there are certainly many stories to evidence that approach.

The Crone’s take away for this week?

I’m not going to change the world all by myself. Perhaps though, by encouraging and being supportive of others, as they travel this journey and walk through their own experiences, a soul to soul connection is unfolding “perfectly on time”.