Author: Marilyn

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

The Power of Example

“PERFECTLY ON TIME” REFLECTION

No matter how far or fast I try to run away I always take myself with me.
Will I be good company? Will I be a power of example?
[from the Crone – March 26, 2023]

Happy Sunday everyone. The week’s events have resulted in yet one more look at the word “power”. This time though it’s related to the “power of example” instead of the “power of words”. Perhaps they are interchangeable, but it has been the experience of crossing paths with both old and new friends this week that has prompted this musing.

The audiobook version of A Pocketfull of Happiness – written and spoken by Robert E. Grant is currently being listened to and a sudden recognition came forward for this writer about how well we may think we “know” another individual. In fact, it’s probably impossible when you stop to give it thought, because:

  • We are not attached at the hip 24/7
  • We cannot be inside another person’s head 24/7
  • We have not walked in their shoes 24/7

Instead, perhaps the best/most we can know another is simply in “moment by moment” segments when we engage and exchange

thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs,
wisdom, not so much wisdom,
emotional outbursts of anger, sadness, joy, laughter

…and from there, experience a momentary connection, and from subsequent and multiple momentary connections come to believe that we “know” someone else.

The ego/shadow of this Crone has often sat in judgement of others and in more recent years has been trying to embrace a new idea… that…

“perhaps, at a soul level, we’ve all agreed to come here and live out this particular story simply for the experience of being a human-suited earth-school participant”.

The Crone’s ego/shadow can be challenged to consider that type of “new idea”. However, the Crone’s heart/soul voice is getting stronger – enter this “power of example” topic.

What does the “Power of Example” look like?

Well…Google suggests that the world population is estimated to reach 8 billion in 2023. Is it reasonable to consider that every single individual has the ability to be a “power of example“? Obviously that’s a lot of power and a lot of examples! So… I’m only going to chat about a couple in this post because they come from opposite ends of the pendulum… maybe better to reference 1st and 4th quarters for a clearer perspective?

A current 4th quarter example

My good friend Vicki came to visit for a couple of days this week and it was a lovely time to connect, reflect, take a little jaunt down memory lane, and have the freedom to be genuine in expressing our thoughts, ideas and words. We DID chat some about this idea of not really being able to “know” another individual. It was a delight to have those thoughts, ideas and words, accepted without judgement or pushback. Good friends are not a dime a dozen, and they are to be cherished.

We attended a gathering on Saturday and were the recipients of some beautiful and authentic heart/soul sharing of stories. I “heard” that one attendee was 96 years old (heading toward overtime?) and my perception was that there were several 20ish young women also in the mix. The “perfectly on time reflection” (probably arriving from The Guide Tribe) may be a direct result of listening to those stories. As further practice, the two questions can certainly be asked by the Crone on behalf of the Crone when engaging with others with a view to “coming to know” them.

That power of example? One of the younger ones reached out her hand and greeted me while walking toward the entrance to the facility. Looked directly into my eyes and said “Hi, my name is Cheyanne…welcome.”  It was both the words and the looking into the eyes that created a connection. It was like looking deep into a soul and right then and there was this most beautiful “power of example”. Conveying that welcome simply filled my heart… AND reassured me that our world is in the hands of some very spectacular earth-school dwellers.

A 1st quarter memory reflected on by the now 4th quarter participant

The new dance journey being experienced by this Crone resulted in “tripping down memory lane” and landed this dancer back in the early 1st quarter of this human-suited earth-school journey. Part of that memory lane trip was to see so very clearly the “power of example” that our Mom showed us. The time feels right to more publicly acknowledge her and although Mom has been gone a long time I chat with her off and on and always believe she’s nearby when the African violets come into bloom (as they are right now).

This Crone was only five years old when our Dad suddenly passed. No real grief support/resources available for any of us… our world was simply turned upside down. Our Mom was a farm wife and mother with a grade 8 education and no skill set that would allow her to “make a living”. Widowed at the age of 47 with a 5- and 11-year-old – years later she told me her biggest fear was that, because we were adopted, the authorities might take us away. Single parenthood wasn’t the same back in the day as it is now and there were no safety nets

And this is where the wide-open eyes/heart and soul of this Crone looked back in absolute awe and admiration. She not only kept us all together, she managed to let us continue dancing… almost unbelievable! Such a creative, hard-working, intuitive, courageous, and tenacious soul who never gave up. My own loss in 2018 looks simple compared to hers. That’s not to discount my own or anyone else’s grief and sorrow. It’s simply seeing in a different perspective the strength she modelled for us. I have multiple regrets for behaviour and attitude I exhibited during the growing up years. I make amends often as thoughts / ideas / events spark a memory. I believe I’ve forgiven myself and that she too has forgiven me. A level of peace is attained when considering it may well have been part of our agreement and the story we came here to share.

Is there a takeaway this week?

Might I incorporate, or at least remember now and again, to model a “power of example” through a practice that includes things like integrity, selflessness, concern for others, kindness, respect, consideration, living the four agreements?

Can those ideas/principles be extended to those who I may cross paths with regardless of my human-suited connection to them but with a view to coming from a soul-connection with them?

And…just for fun – TO ALL MY SMART FRIENDS ….

Thought it might be fun to include a little bit of silliness. This one crossed my Inbox some weeks back as a little Q&A…have a bit of fun and I’ll re-post WITH the answers in a couple of days.

  1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? 
  2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 
  3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 
  4. How much dirt is there in a hole… that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 
  5. What word in the English Language… is always spelled incorrectly? 
  6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 
  7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 
  8. What was the President’s Name…in 1975? 
  9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 
  10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”? 
  11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

Free Spirit

“PERFECTLY ON TIME” REFLECTION

My wisdom emerges as I accept and integrate all that I have been and all that has happened to me.
(Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much -Anne Wilson Schaef, Ph.D. – March 17)

This week it was starting to feel like this Crone (similar to Dorothy in the Wizard) was wearing a pair of red glittering shoes …

clicked her heels…

AND FELL INTO THE RABBIT HOLE!

There were such a multitude of “thought tracks/rabbit holes” being presented! Truly a conglomeration of all the recent fun, full of interest, and piquing of my curiosity, experiences.

Sometimes it seems order and consistency may serve a greater purpose (my world not necessarily yours). NEW IDEA – why not begin the blogs with some kind of “Food for Thought” or “Nugget”?.

What do you think friends and family?
Would you be interested in seeing a “Perfectly on Time” reflection at the beginning as has been included this week?

Another new idea that surfaced was the introduction of a description for what is now considered a “source of inspiration” for this writer. Of course there are probably hundreds of options and as part of a daily journal entry practice – thank-you is often written to “the universe, source, guides and Don” in appreciation for the words that flow through the keyboard to the screen. And then the idea of “My Guide Tribe” arrived.

Mr. Google confirmed that the writer wouldn’t become a “plagiarizer” – the closest find was “Tribe Guide – William & Mary” – a one-stop online source for information before arriving in Williamsburg for first semester. So, My Guide Tribe it will be, at least for now.

Next step was to stop, sit quietly and in silence, and actually listen (somewhat unique for this one) for a sign/inspiration from My Guide Tribe because a Blog heading/title was NOT rolling to top of mind nor being discovered in a rabbit hole. And of course, all it took was a slight change of view and “Free Spirit” appeared front and center.

It hangs on the wall just above where I sit and write and may well be where a component of intuition comes from – serendipity idea! Certainly, felt like one of those “Perfectly on time” moments considering the new adventures unfolding and yet to be explored.

What came next?

The Pale Blue Dot has been on my mind again lately. When looking for the link to include in this post there was a more recent rendition that appeared and contains more imagery to go with the words. I watched both and in truth preferred the original with just the words. Would love to hear your comments.

Thoughts from this Crone after re-watching the clip

How insignificant this one small human-suited earth-school traveller truly is, in comparison to the entire universe. Not even equivalent to a speck of sand in truth, at least if we’re talking size ratios. BUT here’s another thought. Is this soul occupying this human-suit also considered a speck of sand – OR – might it be the equivalent of a cell in the universe and therefore attached to all that is. I’m not a quantum physicist and would never lay claim to having that depth of knowledge or expertise. However, there seems to be more and more scientific evidence arriving to support this idea that we are ALL connected – somewhat like a ginormous web of bright lights.

My mentor Gladys at times used to say, won’t it be delightful when on the day we wake up dead, we discover that we were nothing more than a cell in the knee of a giant. Still makes me laugh but what if there’s an element of truth in there – what if the universe is the giant? If my soul is just one cell (whether in the universe or that giant’s knee) wouldn’t that be a part of a whole?

Take away? Are we overdue, as a species, to stop and consider the impact we may be having on this space we’ve been given to occupy – not just the human-suit but the entire planet?

Moving back to the connection track from last week and the power of written words.

A most delightful exchange of words occurred – all in black and white but also containing a few emoticons for impact and further expression. A subscription was taken to David Michie’s Newsletter & Blog, (author of the Dali Lama’s Cat book series) because I love his books and his Vision. This past week he sent out a most delightful recap of work undertaken through the Twala Trust Animal Sanctuary, one of four charities he supports. As part of that report he included a photo of some small tortoises – cute beyond words. He referred to them as a “bale of tortoises” and at the same time asked if anyone had another way to identify them as a group. One of the comments suggested was a “scramble” and I was inspired to suggest “toddle or totter”.

Seems to me this is where that Free Spirit or My Guide Tribe decided to come out and play. Those tortoises kept popping back to mind and reducing the ability to fall asleep. Finally at about the moment it felt like sleep might occur “it should be a toteful of tortoises” entered that almost asleep state. Of course, now it’s after midnight and the Crone was “driven” to get up and send off another comment/reply within the thread that was unfolding. David is in Australia, so the time difference was probably about perfect… he responded with “As in ‘The toteful of tortoises tiptoed tentatively towards the towering tea trolley?’ I simply broke out laughing at the picture and of course was then able to immediately tuck in and fall asleep.

What a gifted individual he is and what a treasure I seem to have stumbled onto. Actually, Maura Rawn was the one who suggested it would be good to subscribe to his newsletter and I’m so very glad I did! Thank you, Maura! The reason for attempting to capture all of this and write about it at 12:49am on Wednesday, March 15th was to add another very small piece of evidence about the power of words. The power to pass along such genuine care and kindness that it simply fills the heart and soul. Thank you to My Guide Tribe for the inspiration and being willing to engage and put the word(s) out there. Collective and collaborative seem to be resonating.

And… one last track – perhaps more to do with Free Spirit.

Becoming an “observer” of life unfolding – for and around me – is sometimes so delightful it just feels like this bubbling up of deliciousness. This strange newer clarity of view & perception that pops up at times has elements of just wanting to do a full-out belly laugh. Much as it would be lovely to experience that scenario all the time, it’s obviously only one side of the duality we’ve come here to journey through. Perhaps you’ll see the humour in the following.

Enter all of us “dancers” getting ready to perform as part of a St. Patrick’s Day celebration. And as tends to unfold there were some:

  • early arrivers;
  • late arrivers;
  • anxious arrivers;
  • MUST perform perfectly arrivers;
  • relaxed arrivers (been here, done it before, got the T-shirt); and
  • one “Perfectly on Time” arriver (in another era would have been one of the most anxious arrivers).

Couple that with the dance “types” – Tap, Irish, Ballet, Oriental and Scottish and the picture starts to take shape, right? Worth noting – one of the 83-year-old tap dancers arrived in her 4” spike heels. Priceless!

There was a little band facilitating the music to be played for the eight routines plus a small group of ukulele players in the middle of it all so that the dancers had a few minutes to change costumes and get back in line.

And here was the take away for the Crone.

When entering the 4th quarter after Don passed it was with an entire boatload of sadness, self-pity, not wanting to be here mentality AND a very real resistance to this aging process.

Something has shifted more recently and this idea of becoming a Free Spirit seems to be a lovely fit with the changes. That St. Patrick’s Day gathering suddenly showed me, introduced me to and had me see so clearly the absolute magic that can remain no matter what age we might be sitting at.

So, one more blog, one more week, and just for today this heart is full. Change seems to be in the wind and perhaps taking place in spite of this human-suit. Willingness to embrace the changes and exercising gratitude for all that is remain “practices”. Some days they feel easy – other days maybe not quite so much – either way always “Perfectly on time”.

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

How am I Connecting?

This blog was started, in part, because of Johann Hari’s book Lost Connections and a small family gathering with some grandchildren. It was to become a way of connecting with friends and family because life is full and in-person events don’t happen very often. So, here we are again today with another post.

“Connection” was somehow a word sitting top of mind through most of the week, along with what felt like a bit of a “poke” to give some further reflection/consideration to the impact of the spoken and written word.

This past week a series of interviews, panels and shared stories, facilitated and organized by www.opentohope.com, were on the “worth watching” list. For anyone interested in hearing about how others in the earth-school have and/or are dealing with loss, the conference contains a lot of information and heart-felt experiences that truly provide “hope”. For this writer, a new level of understanding arose as the participants opened their hearts to let listeners know they are not alone, that there are many resources available and that every experience is valid. Remaining connected and not moving into a state of isolation was a key point so I wanted to include the links for anyone else who may be walking through this journey.

Naturally there are multiple connotations, definitions, and understandings about this word “connection” and there were three small examples that came forward personally this week.

Stepping out of isolation to make new connections?

TAP DANCING… and the kind of connection that unfolds when a group of like-minded people are introduced to this new one (the Crone) who has been in a somewhat self-imposed state of isolation. What kind of dynamic might evolve? Experience seems to be showing that it’s the state of being “like-minded” that influences the depth of the connection. Then, through repetitive gathering the depth of the connection expands and a new friendship evolves. What’s not to like or enjoy about that scenario.

Being the recipient of kind words

Paths cross and words are exchanged about the impact that an act of kindness had in an individual’s life when they were at a turning point. The connection reconfirmed that, at the time, there was no awareness that an interaction and/or specific words had somehow been impactful. The new words exchanged, as paths were again crossed, also raised a new idea. Might the connection be more about soul agreement(s) than human-suited personality. AND… might this also be where the idea of “the teacher will appear when the student is ready” OR “the student will appear when the teacher is ready” comes into view.

Heart and soul connections

The one that takes place between a 2nd quarter student and a 4th quarter crone. A fully open-heart sharing exchange happening with obvious healing taking place on both sides. Again… more soul agreement exchanges that have always been within “the story” and now are “Perfectly on time” to be spoken out loud. The universe may have been conspiring.

Obviously, there are a gazillion “connection” stories out there in our universe. As a bit of an aside, a state of being “almost in awe”, at the new ideas and experiences that keep appearing for this Crone, seems to somehow be tied directly to the writing of these blogs. So, while my gratitude to those who read and remain connected is truly heartfelt another level of gratitude is extended to whatever universal spirit is at play and involved in what feels like a healing process.

The week of February 27th a Spiritual Writing World Summit was taking place and participation was enjoyed with a lovely level of anticipation. There were 12 presenters who shared incredible stories about their journeys from mindsets of “who am I to think I could write a book” to becoming published authors. One of the presenters, Danielle LePointe, reminded us listeners about Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements. One of my favourite reads, the four agreements were referenced in one of the earlier blogs and somewhat surprisingly have remained embedded in the grey-matter attached to this Crone. Danielle was speaking about the power of our words and suggesting how we should be mindful not only about what we speak but also what we write.

Years ago as the journey with Wellcoaches began, it was suggested that a book titled “Send” by David Shipley & Will Schwalby should be picked up and read. It ultimately changed the approach used in sending out an email (by this one who was just a 3rd quarter player at the time). Not overnight of course…. please remember we’re dealing with a human-suited soul, here to experience all that’s to be presented “Perfectly on time”. Sainthood is not likely be acquired in this go around.

In the early days of email it seemed quite acceptable to just shoot from the hip and send off a blast or two or three and then the volley would begin to see who could get toughest, meanest, most critical. That memory of course raises the question… what was accomplished… followed by the now clear realization of how a connection could so easily be destroyed through mindless word exchanges.

Having now come into the position of being a 4th quarter player life is simpler and taking a pause can result in a more balanced approach.

Social media and texting are the two platforms that seem to raise flags when it comes to the written word.

  • There are no facial expressions
  • There is no tone of voice
  • There is no body language
  • There is no hand to hold, shoulder to pat, hug to give
  • It’s all just in black and white

So, how might responses be crafted that result in the retention of the responder’s dignity and at the same time extend courtesy and respect back to the original sender. None of us can know what part of another person’s story may be unfolding for them in the moment. Does that idea allow for an option or choice to create space and a kinder connection? Perhaps that sounds like “lofty thinking” but in truth isn’t it something that could be practiced even once in a while just to see what might result – on both sides. With awareness and taking that “pause” might we end up with a heart-centered connection instead of shadow-centered angst.

But here’s the kicker this time. What kind of dynamic and connection might unfold if instead of that written word, a phone call was placed with an invitation to sit down, face to face, eyeball to eyeball and actually speak words out loud from heart and soul while allowing tone of voice, facial expressions and body language to also be present. The idea may seem a little unique in our world of text, email, Instagram, twitter, etc. But, it might be an interesting exercise, just to see if there would be an impact in how us humans might actually connect with each other.

It’s kind of fun to catch the eye of the grumpiest looking individual in the room and give them a big smile…. it’s very rare that the smile hasn’t been returned.
Connection?

Sitting having breakfast one morning this past week a question rose to the surface and seemed destined for a little deeper thought. In addition to folk dancing, tap has now entered as a somewhat new endeavour. I say new because in truth it was part of my early 1st quarter world. Monday was the first lesson and it was so significant it’s a little difficult to find the right words. Why was it significant? Something about recognizing that it’s truly okay for this human-suited earth-school individual to participate in some activities that bring joy and fun into her experiences AND dance is certainly doing that. Those who know me will understand about not getting overly OCD… I’ve only practiced every day with the help of more YouTube tutorials. It brings back a bucketful of memories and at the same time seems to open this heart and soul to a level of exuberance that hasn’t been present for a very long time. I am so grateful!

So to expand on this just a little more. In addition to the new happiness what else might be important? The connection! That in-person sharing and learning taking place between these like-minded individuals.

Then there’s the Spirit Writer’s Workshop – four weeks and more deep diving into the written word. Not to be expanded on at this time but may well be part of something in the future.

As these words appear on the computer screen, in black and white, a “sense” of there being another “voice” at work comes forward. Perhaps a voice that’s relaying lessons to the writer as part of the uncover, discover, discard process that has been practiced for some time now. It’s truly never too late to make changes and those layers and layers of old BS (Belief Systems) CAN be shifted and morphed into something that makes a heart sing. This heart has been singing, dancing and having fun all week and wishes the same for all of those who decide to plow through the writing.

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

Hurry Up and Slow Down

While heading to a meeting on Thursday another driver was doing the “bob and weave dance” to get ahead of the pack.  This old memory surfaced and needed to be presented in black and white as another example of how we are always “Perfectly on time”.

Somewhere in the 90’s and sitting at a stop light that started flashing the green arrow my response time was slightly delayed and the driver behind me honked. Not a good idea back in the day… here came ego/shadow in all its glory – rising to the surface like a tornado and moving toward blowing a gasket. Letting him pass and then starting the chase down Scott Road in full blown insanity mode – honking and raising my fist. Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you know this is MY road? Yep… I did that.

Don was a passenger and there’s no recall of him raising his voice. Rather there’s a memory of him stating in a rather stern voice “What on earth are you doing Marilyn?” We’d probably already gone a few blocks because of the speed being traveled and a more reasonable state of mind returned pretty quickly.

Why this story and why now? Because:

  • it seems to be related to this current blog title;
  • this writer has been there, done that, got the T-shirt;
  • being in the 4th quarter AND being “Perfectly on time” seems to have removed those old responses to the bobbers and weavers in our world; and
  • it was quite delightful to recognize myself in the behaviour of that other driver on Thursday AND at almost the same time recall Don’s take on and response to the bobbers and weavers – “honey, if we watch and pay attention, I bet we’ll end up at the same stop-light at the same time” (and we often did…always “Perfectly on time“…LOL).

    Of course, there are children and grandchildren who may suggest that such aggressive behaviour can still pop up on occasion. They may be right but it’s truly a rare event – it’s simply so much easier to slow down, stay in my lane and let the others pass by.

    This week’s explorations seem to have once again raised awareness about the shadow/soul dance so typically at play for this “Perfectly on time” human-suited earth-school participant. Determining which one “wins” … maybe that should be “is heard”… can be somewhat perplexing. However, for today, I’m going to trust that I’m listening to soul and heart-felt because that’s what has resonated all week long.

    An option to attend the Spiritual Writer World Summit was presented a few weeks ago and included 12 interviews with some very inspiring and thought-provoking individuals. The willingness to walk this “Perfectly on time” mantra seems to be opening multiple new opportunities to try on new ideas and continue moving forward in this 4th quarter. This summit was one more opening. There were multiple similarities that seemed to encircle the “like-minded” experiences, perceptions, and approaches of and to our respective “stories” and they were simply delightful.

    The more this idea of having agreed to come here to simply experience “my story” is embraced (a story that was shown to me before I arrived in the earth-school and one, I agreed to come and live), the more a new level of quiet, calm, peacefulness and acceptance seem to settle in as part of a daily routine. Of course, there are some newer “practices” and those too are surely having an impact on the unfolding. Things like:

    MUSIC!
    Always a love of mine – along with dancing. There’s so much available and the choices being made seem to reflect the state of mind/soul being experienced. Coffee Jazz has become a real favourite along with some nature and piano sounds    .

    DANCE!
    In addition to folk-dancing the next magic is to step up and into tap lessons.

    Found the shoes…. first class in tomorrow… thank you again Sandy!

    MEDITATION!
    What does that even mean in today’s world? This traveller is NOT sitting on the mountain top chanting ohms… but… IS taking baby steps to find those quiet moments and connect with a spirit/energy force that feels like it’s a part of me versus being somehow separate.

    So, as another week ends and a new one begins this idea of “Hurry Up and Slow Down” may provide some room for contemplation… at least for this writer. My history has contained a very strong element of “Hurry Up and get it done by last week”. Unable to be present in quietness without a lot of activity going on (either mental or physical) was a norm of sorts. My children and I have often considered ourselves as being on the border of OCD. Not to be presented as good or bad, simply an observation about our energies.

    There have been moments when it seems the impact of the pandemic has resulted in new observations about what appears to be a “slow-down” of sorts, including a change in priorities and a shift in family dynamics. There’s a granddaughter in my world who recently announced that she will not be going back to her career in broadcasting because, in her words,

    “While I absolutely loved my job, I’m excited for a new opportunity that will allow for equally meaningful work while offering better work/life balance as I raise my sweet baby boy“.

    Then comes the word duality and the importance of seeing both shadow and soul (light). Each a part of the other? Each of value because one can’t be seen without the other also being present. Perhaps they are part and parcel of being in the human-suit and now we are finally coming to a place of listening more closely to soul and light.

    Newer idea … what if all of us truly are “connected” and what if that connection may actually have an impact on the forces that appear to be playing out in our world. Some looking dark but others looking incredibly bright. Does it come down to where my attention is directed?

    When the old “Hurry up and get it done by last week” persona kicks in there is no time or space for slowing down. This Crone is now looking for more ways to embrace new adventures and at the same time undertake them with a slower, more mindful approach to better enjoy the moments and the rest of the journey yet to come.

    Is there a wish being extended this week? Yep….that ALL of us are able to “see” the moments of grace, encouragement, comfort and understanding that surround us. When those “moments” are “seen” some of the most magical memories are created and may well become part of an inspirational story to be shared a generation or two from now.

    Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

    The Universe Conspired

    Last week the universe decided to relay a message to me about that not yet removed “need for drive and perfectionism”, and the resulting overload. As a follow-up to all that fun and excitement about dancing and pickleball there was a slight “smack upside of the head” as a reminder (that’s how this writer has determined to look at it for now). The reminder being “quit trying so hard” and instead, just continue practicing:

     – to “be yourself”
    – to pause and take a breath
    – to simply stay in the fun and music – and
    – to be “perfectly on time”.

    After Wednesday’s dance class, YouTube seemed like the perfect “go to” as a resource for more instructions…. what’s NOT to be found at YouTube! In fact, a small post was made at the Crone Chronicles FB group with a cute clip of some of the most beautiful African children dancing to Jerusalema. The “home dance practice” that unfolded was supposed to be followed on Saturday with a Pickleball lesson and purchase of paddles (sooo much anticipation and excitement). Just a small drive, perfectionism and overload scenario unfolding right? Obviously, a resurgence of the old BS/Belief System around “measuring up and trying to be better than” had kicked in!

    So, follow Wednesday with Thursday and suddenly the great white porcelain bowl has called for an engagement of sorts – off and on – for about 12 hours.

    And …. here’s one more fun fact, THIS body that’s now occupied does NOT come back from the porcelain bowl experience with the same speed and ease of years gone by.

    In fact, it was just this past Wednesday before normalcy resumed.

    Why even tell this story? Because, at the end of the day, that’s exactly what it is…. “A story” [not A’ha P’tend]… an experience … an opportunity… to take a bit closer look at all that had been unfolding and how some old ideas and attitudes probably needed a slight adjustment (as in becoming competitive?). It’s kind of tied into staying in the moments just for the fun of it without adding undue expectations about what may, or may not come round the corner, up the street or across the path.

    A few weeks ago, an attempt was made to lighten up – in part because of some significant losses that had occurred in the lives of grandchildren and best friends. Somehow, this latest episode of not feeling up to par, laying around napping, and eating Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup created a type of collaborative opportunity with the universe. A time to take a new and deeper dive/look at grief / loss / emptiness. Not to bring any additional heartache to those involved but rather to further reflect on newer observations and understandings now more evident these four plus years later.

    • One of the losses was that of a husband of 66 years (father, grandfather, great grandfather). The accident had parallels to Don’s which was somewhat bizarre since he was the other grandfather to the same grandchildren.
    • The second loss was that of a beautiful 29-year-old granddaughter of our best friends, after a very long cancer journey. Not necessarily unexpected but that doesn’t eliminate the heartbreak.
    • The third loss was a brand-new acquaintance, and it was simply a few words spoken that opened the tear ducts.

    There are never adequate words – but are there some helpful options? Perhaps to just gently suggest possible resources, offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and/or a hug to help heal. As this writing is unfolding that mention about Holding and Listening in the last post remains valid and significant. Just one more thought has surfaced to be included though.

    ALLOWING
    What does that mean or look like to the person/people experiencing the loss AND to those who want to support and help.

    As one who wants to support and help, because sometimes shared experience can benefit, is it possible to:

    • just sit quietly, listen, and ALLOW the person experiencing the grief to simply speak what their heart needs to speak without interjecting and providing “advice”?
    • provide a shoulder to cry on and simply ALLOW those tears without stating that age old line of – “there, there, this too shall pass” [guilty as charged over here]
    • leave those “perfectly on time” statements for another day
    • offer to go for a walk; pick-up some groceries; bake a casserole [that list has lovely karma possibilities]

    This business of “20/20 vision in hindsight” has a potential to result in a few “oh my gosh what was I even thinking” regrets – I know I did NOT follow that list when my daughter-in-law passed in 2019. At the same time though, might this newer hindsight offer an opportunity to take a different approach this time around. Might recent events have given me time to pause and take a deeper look?

    That quiet time offered up (through being somewhat unwell) provided space to create a very condensed summary of my story and journey since Don walked across that rainbow bridge.

    • Year one was somewhat surreal. It often felt like the earth-school experience was being undertaken via the human-suited body of someone else. Someone who seemed able to take care of whatever needed to be taken care of without exhibiting extreme trauma, grief, or loss. Keeping busy to the extreme held everything at bay and work facilitated that busyness to the max.
    • Year two was a different story entirely. The gut-wrenching pain would surface without warning in roller coaster waves. Way harder than year one. I told some friends and family I was licking doorknobs and truly the journaling was ended each night with the words….”one day less to be here and one day closer to being there with you”. Who am I? seemed to be a somewhat constant question.
    • Year three turned into serious isolation, in part because of the pandemic but also because of the emotions that continued to kick in when least expected. At times, the reality of getting up alone in the morning and going to bed alone at night (especially on weekends) created overwhelm. Who am I? What purpose do I have? also remained as constant thoughts.
    • Year four continued in a vein of just moving through each day with the same journal ending each night.

    I know that all sounds pretty dark and it’s important to also acknowledge that multiple good times and things happened during those four years as well – in great part thanks to the beautiful family, friends and co-workers network I’ve been gifted with. There was also an extensive searching taking place… around mediumship, esoteric studies, grieving and loss webinars, astrology….all with a view to finding answers of some sort. The bullet list is simply an attempt to be open and honest in sharing a small piece of the story with others. None of us are alone and while it felt nearly impossible to reach out there were many, many times when that reaching out then created a synchronized/serendipitous occurrence that resulted in “feeling better” for all involved.

    Year five is changing and looking brighter and more hopeful. Dance, joining a senior’s club, upcoming pickleball are all contributors along with the continuation of being involved with a long-standing network of like-minded people doing like-minded things. After Don passed the arrival of that day when the recognition that Marilyn had absolutely no idea who Marilyn was, or could even become, was actually shocking. Today, that HUGE overwhelm of what on earth happens next is suddenly not quite so huge.

    This new adventure into The Wise Woman (in training) has opened some kind of “space” for this human-suited earth-school traveler. This almost “of its own accord” (whatever “its” means) writing experience is somewhat strange and at times baffling. The “shadow/soul” dance continues to play out while the “soul voice” continues to do/say/observe/engage in new experiences that are presenting a level of lightness and joy that hasn’t been felt for a long time. It seems the story continues to be not just about ALLOWING but also about saying YES. Perhaps the caveat here is that there’s no timeline to any of it – either the grief or the joy. Every human-suited earth-school participant has a shelf-date. What to do with the time between now and then truly remains in the bucket of every individual …  as suits the each moment.

    My own experience has shown that with the tiniest bit of willingness to continue to put one foot in front of the other – even when you feel like crying and screaming foul and not wanting to be here, a “shift” unexpectedly takes place and suddenly the world looks a little brighter.

    So, to anyone reading this blog, this time, “Perfectly on time” is not disappearing from my posts but I may keep it to myself a little more depending on what story is unfolding in front of me. Donald also continues to periodically tap on my shoulder to reinforce something he used to say….”Nothing, absolutely nothing is forever.”

    For now… my heart simply needed to open enough to share, with a wish that others walking through a grieving and loss process may remain hopeful and be encouraged that with time things really do change.