Month: February 2023

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

The Universe Conspired

Last week the universe decided to relay a message to me about that not yet removed “need for drive and perfectionism”, and the resulting overload. As a follow-up to all that fun and excitement about dancing and pickleball there was a slight “smack upside of the head” as a reminder (that’s how this writer has determined to look at it for now). The reminder being “quit trying so hard” and instead, just continue practicing:

 – to “be yourself”
– to pause and take a breath
– to simply stay in the fun and music – and
– to be “perfectly on time”.

After Wednesday’s dance class, YouTube seemed like the perfect “go to” as a resource for more instructions…. what’s NOT to be found at YouTube! In fact, a small post was made at the Crone Chronicles FB group with a cute clip of some of the most beautiful African children dancing to Jerusalema. The “home dance practice” that unfolded was supposed to be followed on Saturday with a Pickleball lesson and purchase of paddles (sooo much anticipation and excitement). Just a small drive, perfectionism and overload scenario unfolding right? Obviously, a resurgence of the old BS/Belief System around “measuring up and trying to be better than” had kicked in!

So, follow Wednesday with Thursday and suddenly the great white porcelain bowl has called for an engagement of sorts – off and on – for about 12 hours.

And …. here’s one more fun fact, THIS body that’s now occupied does NOT come back from the porcelain bowl experience with the same speed and ease of years gone by.

In fact, it was just this past Wednesday before normalcy resumed.

Why even tell this story? Because, at the end of the day, that’s exactly what it is…. “A story” [not A’ha P’tend]… an experience … an opportunity… to take a bit closer look at all that had been unfolding and how some old ideas and attitudes probably needed a slight adjustment (as in becoming competitive?). It’s kind of tied into staying in the moments just for the fun of it without adding undue expectations about what may, or may not come round the corner, up the street or across the path.

A few weeks ago, an attempt was made to lighten up – in part because of some significant losses that had occurred in the lives of grandchildren and best friends. Somehow, this latest episode of not feeling up to par, laying around napping, and eating Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup created a type of collaborative opportunity with the universe. A time to take a new and deeper dive/look at grief / loss / emptiness. Not to bring any additional heartache to those involved but rather to further reflect on newer observations and understandings now more evident these four plus years later.

  • One of the losses was that of a husband of 66 years (father, grandfather, great grandfather). The accident had parallels to Don’s which was somewhat bizarre since he was the other grandfather to the same grandchildren.
  • The second loss was that of a beautiful 29-year-old granddaughter of our best friends, after a very long cancer journey. Not necessarily unexpected but that doesn’t eliminate the heartbreak.
  • The third loss was a brand-new acquaintance, and it was simply a few words spoken that opened the tear ducts.

There are never adequate words – but are there some helpful options? Perhaps to just gently suggest possible resources, offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and/or a hug to help heal. As this writing is unfolding that mention about Holding and Listening in the last post remains valid and significant. Just one more thought has surfaced to be included though.

ALLOWING
What does that mean or look like to the person/people experiencing the loss AND to those who want to support and help.

As one who wants to support and help, because sometimes shared experience can benefit, is it possible to:

  • just sit quietly, listen, and ALLOW the person experiencing the grief to simply speak what their heart needs to speak without interjecting and providing “advice”?
  • provide a shoulder to cry on and simply ALLOW those tears without stating that age old line of – “there, there, this too shall pass” [guilty as charged over here]
  • leave those “perfectly on time” statements for another day
  • offer to go for a walk; pick-up some groceries; bake a casserole [that list has lovely karma possibilities]

This business of “20/20 vision in hindsight” has a potential to result in a few “oh my gosh what was I even thinking” regrets – I know I did NOT follow that list when my daughter-in-law passed in 2019. At the same time though, might this newer hindsight offer an opportunity to take a different approach this time around. Might recent events have given me time to pause and take a deeper look?

That quiet time offered up (through being somewhat unwell) provided space to create a very condensed summary of my story and journey since Don walked across that rainbow bridge.

  • Year one was somewhat surreal. It often felt like the earth-school experience was being undertaken via the human-suited body of someone else. Someone who seemed able to take care of whatever needed to be taken care of without exhibiting extreme trauma, grief, or loss. Keeping busy to the extreme held everything at bay and work facilitated that busyness to the max.
  • Year two was a different story entirely. The gut-wrenching pain would surface without warning in roller coaster waves. Way harder than year one. I told some friends and family I was licking doorknobs and truly the journaling was ended each night with the words….”one day less to be here and one day closer to being there with you”. Who am I? seemed to be a somewhat constant question.
  • Year three turned into serious isolation, in part because of the pandemic but also because of the emotions that continued to kick in when least expected. At times, the reality of getting up alone in the morning and going to bed alone at night (especially on weekends) created overwhelm. Who am I? What purpose do I have? also remained as constant thoughts.
  • Year four continued in a vein of just moving through each day with the same journal ending each night.

I know that all sounds pretty dark and it’s important to also acknowledge that multiple good times and things happened during those four years as well – in great part thanks to the beautiful family, friends and co-workers network I’ve been gifted with. There was also an extensive searching taking place… around mediumship, esoteric studies, grieving and loss webinars, astrology….all with a view to finding answers of some sort. The bullet list is simply an attempt to be open and honest in sharing a small piece of the story with others. None of us are alone and while it felt nearly impossible to reach out there were many, many times when that reaching out then created a synchronized/serendipitous occurrence that resulted in “feeling better” for all involved.

Year five is changing and looking brighter and more hopeful. Dance, joining a senior’s club, upcoming pickleball are all contributors along with the continuation of being involved with a long-standing network of like-minded people doing like-minded things. After Don passed the arrival of that day when the recognition that Marilyn had absolutely no idea who Marilyn was, or could even become, was actually shocking. Today, that HUGE overwhelm of what on earth happens next is suddenly not quite so huge.

This new adventure into The Wise Woman (in training) has opened some kind of “space” for this human-suited earth-school traveler. This almost “of its own accord” (whatever “its” means) writing experience is somewhat strange and at times baffling. The “shadow/soul” dance continues to play out while the “soul voice” continues to do/say/observe/engage in new experiences that are presenting a level of lightness and joy that hasn’t been felt for a long time. It seems the story continues to be not just about ALLOWING but also about saying YES. Perhaps the caveat here is that there’s no timeline to any of it – either the grief or the joy. Every human-suited earth-school participant has a shelf-date. What to do with the time between now and then truly remains in the bucket of every individual …  as suits the each moment.

My own experience has shown that with the tiniest bit of willingness to continue to put one foot in front of the other – even when you feel like crying and screaming foul and not wanting to be here, a “shift” unexpectedly takes place and suddenly the world looks a little brighter.

So, to anyone reading this blog, this time, “Perfectly on time” is not disappearing from my posts but I may keep it to myself a little more depending on what story is unfolding in front of me. Donald also continues to periodically tap on my shoulder to reinforce something he used to say….”Nothing, absolutely nothing is forever.”

For now… my heart simply needed to open enough to share, with a wish that others walking through a grieving and loss process may remain hopeful and be encouraged that with time things really do change.

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

A 2nd Quarter Recall

2nd Quarter

In 1979, with significant encouragement from a professional who did NOT believe in prescribing Valium, some new and unusual ideas were presented. Instead of Valium there were some recommended readings (via the Bhagwhan Shree Rajneesh / Osho / guru). My perception of those readings, at the time, was that they contained underlying themes about:

  • being present in the moments;
  • living to the fullest by just dealing with each day as it arrived; and
  • considering options to change the way people, places and things were viewed.

Letting go of the past, giving up control and extensive planning for the future, and just being present! Pretty lofty and unique ideas for a somewhat naïve farm kid. At the time, the concepts were so far removed from the old BS (Belief Systems) that they were sometimes difficult to even grasp.

In retrospect it’s not so difficult to see how others may have perceived some type of duping/brainwashing taking place – via both the professional and the guru. Perhaps though, it’s also important to consider that stepping outside of “acceptable behaviours” attached to the times and family dynamics was not an easy process, for any of the players involved.

Small confession here…. yes, it DID cross my mind that perhaps I could travel to India to meet this guru.

End result of that small three-year journey?

  • Dissolution of 21-year high-school sweetheart and marriage relationship.
  • Undertaking to become super woman…. does anyone out there relate to three jobs, gonna do it all and not ask for any help!
  • Followed by what has become a continuing, life-long effort, to help heal the wounds visited on those I loved the most by giving it my best shot to walk a path of honesty, integrity, and kindness.

A significant realization today is that the path that was unfolding at the end of that three-year journey was NOT sustainable. In fact it very likely would have ended in full-on destruction and failure. But then again, with a willingness to embrace some positive daily routines and practices, over an extended timeline, NOW, it’s clear that everything, even then, was “perfectly on time”.

May 9, 1981 – what is clear in hindsight is that the universe stepped in to save this little soul #1 from certain disaster.

The suggestion of a blind date had been presented by a co-worker – seriously! There was absolutely no room in the life being mapped out by this human-suited, earth-school participant for such a ridiculous idea. Of course, you’ve probably already surmised that even though much, much, much resistance was expounded upon that date occurred.

And once again in hindsight, the importance of the event was that this other human-suited, earth-school soul #2, was also walking a newer path … similar to the one that little soul #1 was exploring.  

Hoping you will humour me and try to visualize this picture.

Following some fine dining, little soul #1 and soul #2 stepped onto the dance floor and ‘voila’ the magic simply erupted … not a step or a beat was missed, and it looked to their friends as though they had danced together forever. And the next phase of their “stories” began (which may or may not unfold in more detail in the weeks/months ahead). Small teaser here – there truly are some fairy tale romance moments involved.

And now I want to change tracks slightly…. although not directly related to this 2nd quarter recall, in other ways, the decision to sign-up for a 3-week webinar with Mark Nepo (author of The Book of Awakening) is also a further unfolding of sorts.  Those early 1980’s “new ideas” became an integral part of the journey those little souls shared and the webinar series, titled Surviving Storms reinforces the value of those old / new ideas.

Back in the days of the “guru”, mental health issues were not mainstream. In fact, there was a lot of “hiding” taking place and stepping into a therapy situation carried a certain stigma. Thank goodness changes continue to evolve! I’m so grateful for those opportunities to connect with people like Mark. Sometimes, (in my own journey) it can feel like walking through sludge here in the earth-school. People like Mark offer a bucketful of hope and encouragement to anyone who may be looking for new ways to process and walk through their story. 

Referencing Mark, his webinar and book may not seem to quite fit with the beginning of this blog and I hope you’ll stay with me anyway.  One of the reasons I enjoy him so much is his recognition and understanding that each of us is walking our own journey under whatever modus operandi we find ourselves and he simply accepts that we are all “perfectly on time” (of course those are my words not his…LOL).

When this web site and blog came into being it was, in part, a result of Johann Hari’s book Lost Connections. It seemed that a voice of some sort was prodding to at least “try” to somehow get “reconnected” …. with friends and family but perhaps also with people who hadn’t yet crossed my path. Mark had “suggested” we begin a practice of two ancient tools/medicines that have been effective for thousands of years:

HOLDING AND LISTENING
Holding is restorative
Listening and being listened to is healing

And….as can only happen when the universe wants to show me something – serendipity happened at Pickle Ball Orientation today. It only took about 4-5 words for one of the participants to suddenly break into tears. Unknown to the speaker of the words this young lady was/is just six months into her grieving journey. What was the beautiful thing that unfolded? She was held and listened to, and a small piece of healing took place. There are no coincidences (to my way of thinking) and another “perfectly on time” experience unfolded…pretty powerful stuff me thinks.

A few additional lines / suggested practices from Mark that resonated with me…. hoping they may carry a little weight for you as well.

  • Storms dissipate when the forces that ground us are greater than the forces that excite us. How do we look for the forces that ground us and spend more time with them than the forces that excite us?
  • Catastrophizing – we don’t have to stay in it. We can right size it. How do we practice that?
  • There are more years behind me than ahead. How do I let that deepen the preciousness of the days I have left?
  • Unfolding from in to out versus going from here to there is a spiritual journey AND both a personal and universal process. A kind of turning inside-out that requires hard work. Am I up for that adventure?
  • What kind of commitments and practices help me to stay aligned, to stay authentic, to stay present, to lean in and hold nothing back, to stay open hearted and open-minded
  • Like the redwood trees – we need a spiritual practice to deepen our roots and widen our trunk to endure the force of unexpected storms.

It would be heart-warming and heart-healing to think that some of these words may be beneficial, in some small way, to even one person reading. As always, thank you for your encouragement and support.

Crone/Wise Woman Stories/

Pollyanna Syndrome

Happy Sunday friends and family – multiple “thought tracks” chasing around and a reflective and conscious decision was made to set aside a sad news experience (for now) and see if a step into a bit of lightness might become the main thrust for this week.

One of my daily readings today talked about The Pollyanna Show. Suzanne Giesemann’s new Awakened Way app often presents much “food for thought” and todays was no exception. The reminder at the end about “what I put out is what is likely to come back to me” suggests that leaning toward participating as a Pollyanna might be a worthwhile practice (at least on occasion).

Some laughable moments….

The Dancing Queen

The first dance class was so much fun and the connection with other happy dancers resulted in such a boost of energy and laughs. A little post was made at the Crone Chronicles FB Group and there were many cute gifs and clips in support of this Wise Woman (in training).

New shoes were obviously a must for this somewhat “A-type personality”(more A-type personality?) ….Ginger Rogers and Shirley Temple are not going to outdo while these cover the dancing feet….

Pickleball for a past ping pong champion

Pickleball hasn’t quite come to fruition although the application, acceptance of the application and moneys paid and received have all taken place. It was the 8am on Sunday morning orientation option that put a slight hold on everything. I mean, really….8am and Sunday! Ah well…the thoughtful president of the Chilliwack Club acknowledged that there are others who also aren’t available for that time slot so I’m sure something will unfold in due time.

Timeline challenge x 2

The use of an online service to send birthday and anniversary greetings fits quite nicely here (more “A-type personality” stuff?). It allows for finding the cards that “feel just about right” while also scheduling their delivery in advance. All of that works well IF a mindful and being present approach is employed. My brother Teddi, who will be 83 on February 17th received his card on Friday! What’s to be said! It ended up being “perfectly on time” because it meant we got to have a phone call, chat and laugh together about this business of “Grey Matter”. I suggested that because we’re both in the fourth quarter why not begin celebrating two weeks in advance and just continue with the party indefinitely. Sounded reasonable to me…he seemed to like the idea as well.

Income Tax Time isn’t all that far away right? Does anyone else avoid this event for as long as possible and then find themselves scrambling to pull it all together 24 hours before deadline? That level of avoidance was my modus operandi for a LONG time. Every year I’d say the same thing….”I’m going to do up my own bookkeeping records EVERY MONTH next year….this last minute stuff is just too painful”. Of course, the next year April 15th or so would arrive and there I’d be scrambling to pull it together…one more time!

Don used to just shake his head while making smarty pants comments like….

  • “I thought you said you were going to do this every month?” and….
  • “Aww honey, I’m sorry you’re having a bad time…maybe next year you can do it every month”…and
  • “Is there anything at all I can do to help (while laughing out loud).

This year I am so very proud to say I will have it all finished this coming week and that’s a big accomplishment for this human-suited soul. I’m impressed even if you’re not…LOL

Siri, Alexa & Spell-check

The laughable changes made by Siri, Alexa and auto-spellcheck in our world of “everything needs to be instant”. Even this Wise Woman (in training) has taken to “speaking” into that cell phone to relay a text message and/or respond to an email. Good grief!

That exact scenario was about to unfold the other day and then a thought popped up….when was the last time you picked up the phone to talk and listen to this person ? The new options to connect through technology are NOT to be discounted but sometimes I DO wonder.

I listened in on a webinar yesterday with Mark Nepo and he talked about two words. Listening and Holding….that perhaps we could be just a little more mindful in extending those actions. Particularly if we find someone crossing our path who could really benefit from some listening and/or holding (either physically or just holding space).

Well….that just took a slight left turn didn’t it! Back to Siri, Alexa and auto-spellcheck! Here are a few recent laughs:

  • Letting a friend know I had sent her a poster but Siri changed it to “oyster”….now she wants to know if there’s a pearl included
  • Just wrapping up a couple of “glass” (supposed to be “last”) pieces at work
  • Me: I think I’ll hang on for the ride
    • Answer: LOAD AND CLEAR….just cracked me up – perhaps it IS about loading!
  • Me: I think I’m still vibrating [reference to having actually made the ferry]
    • Answer: He just tried calling and it went to BM…oops that was supposed to be VM

Of course there are many more….just thought it would be a bit of silliness to put a few in writing.

“Blonde”? Bombshells

Last night a good friend and I decided to do a short notice dinner and visit at Milestones. Food was great – young waiter was even greater! Of course the two of DO tend to get carried away with Shareables and Desserts while chatting through a multitude of stories and experiences (convert that to time-consuming). Our reservation was for 4:30pm and it truly felt like “a blink” when that very cute waiter came and kicked us out (truth be told he was apologetic). A bit of past truth time here….we’ve been asked to leave places (possibly because of unacceptable behaviour and probably within our 1st and 2nd quarters of earth school). To be noted that the ask wouldn’t have been a request as much as a demand AND it would have been much, much later in an evening. That’s why this current scenario felt quite laughable….it was only 6:30 pm! Proposed new persona from Star the accomplice …. “blond?” bombshells

The Sassy Cat felt like a cute windup AND … enjoy whatever you get up to in the coming days/week AND trust that it’s all “Perfectly on Time“.